Friday, January 20, 2006

..afterword..and a small rift...

So dinner at Manna Cafe was incredible (minus some sloppy service here or there), I'm so lucky to have friends like these! -- got a little tipsy off a Midori Fizz and Mojitos but made it through the night....then it was movie time.....
made a stack of about 7 movies I was willing to watch (I'll admit, I was kinda up for some solitudinous depression, don't know why, so the titles suggested such a mood).....and I don't know how it got to the top of the stack, but I ended up watching The Laramie Project, which I hadn't seen in over two years.... wow......the clincher I think the most for me was ,....getting up, sitting at my computer, looking at my buddy list......and just thinking about everyone......and the endless things that could happen to people-- sure, things have gotten better in the past decade, but ya never know *shrug*-- I think, overall in life, I'm kinda turning away from (very slowly) from my emotional attachment, or affectability perhaps, to movies and their characters and circumstances, and more towards the "characters" of my own life.....however distant they may be.

Then a random IM ( I couldn't help myself ), three objects, -- can't talk now....

-"Are you OK?"
-"I'll be fine..."
-"Are you sure?"
-".........what would you do if I wasn't?"

STORY IDEA:
The man who would never perform- who would never have 'the gall' to create- or present- or defend a creation of his own- and why that's all he's ever wanted to do. To be strong in something of his own- his body, his words, his art.......his love.

And then a mysterious CD, out of the night....lands on your doorstep, answering with nothing but perfect lyrics and guidance.........and affirmation.

A Song For......To Be Performed by my 'to-be-developed' Character:

"If I Ever Say I'm Over You"

If I ever say I'm over you
the unsentimental thing I do
will have driven out the ghosts
somehow and pull me through

If I tend to disregard your touch
well it seems to me
it would be such a waste of time
to let this poor heart feel that much.

But sometimes a photograph can make me cry or force a laugh
and somehow the memory of how complete we used to be
is keeping me from you.

If you ever hear me doubt the past
it's a simple fact we didn't last
run aground on hard times
while good times flew too fast

I'm not sure if we can make amends
this may be the way our story ends
with too little left for lovers
and too much more friends.

But sometimes a photograph can make me cry or force a laugh
and somehow the memory of how complete we used to be
is keeping me from you.
So don't believe it's true
If I ever say I'm over you.