..but what if there were only one game?
i had gotten tired of looking in the usual places. i knew now that it was something different that i was out for. it was the end result of the recipe that was my timiditiy and the gaping holes i felt within that i knew only a bigger man could fill.
"they say he wandered very far, very far, over land and sea"
what if you found someone that wasn't seeking continuous conquest, but seeking you. or seeking what you could become. and what you could make them become.
I've spent the entire day thinking about your note....
and yet i must say straightaway ...
you would do me wrong Heir Steifel to read into my refusal any lack of affection, on the contrary, ...
should you like, i am ready to..
and also that too rigorous a condemnation of your current misfortune could have the gravest possible effect....
still, heir stiefel, one thing in your letter disturbed me, your, what shall we call it--veiled threat--that should escape not be possible, you would take your own life.
you swirl around in this milieu> trying to wrap your mind around it all and grasp some formula to make sense of it all - 'skinny guys desirable when young, but become undesireable when old.... thick guys undesireable when young, but desireable when old" ... it's totally crazy you know......then why....
what about the ego? the idea being: to successfully impress someone...and not bring someone down in your attempts to converse with them. to do this you have to be in a reasonably decent mood. and what if the only way to put you in a reasonably decent mood is to have someone show interest in you, thereby raising your ego somewhat. at that point you have the energy to push forward with more upbeat "courting". thereby impressing or either raising the ego of the other.
((Not one conquest, but continuous conquest, from one victory to another, for it was the conquest alone that was important and never the prize.))
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