where do i begin...

i need to be explained how i overuse the term "whining" - because, if corrected, i think my less use of it would help my situation out quite a bit...

so i don't know where to put things - and i'm totallly preoccupied with fantasy worlds where everyone is still a kid and sex and awkward and sex and .......shit.......nothing like that exists.........
where does that leave me?

all the endings are wrong.......i plan them out.....i mean i figure out the things i want to say but then it never works out that way ---- i told him ------ the beginnings are easy, it's the endings i can never seem to get right......

the talking never comes.....the right words never come.......but the dreams , they always come........if i just wait it all out.......like i used to do as a kid.....stand there, obedient, compliant, ......wait it out.....then cry it all out.........then go to sleep......and let all the dreams no matter how sunny or bloody , let them all flood in.........

I won't find a wardrobe or a potion or a flying carpet or a time machine anytime soon........ so until then, what am i to do?

*eyes getting heavy* i want to write more .....i want to write better......at least so you can see what all is welling up inside ("This empty space inside of me is filling up, I want it, oh, i want it, I want it for my own, I've got to know, I've got to know, What is this place that I have found: WHAT ....IS.....THIS?").......maybe some day I'll let myself learn to get it all down on a page......just the right ending.

to this maddening.........